switchblade Annie (hidethesmoke) wrote,
switchblade Annie

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get ready for the long haul

you know when u just start writing and you can tell its going to be one of those super long introspective bloggs?

chances are i should probably copy and paste this one before i try to post it, if i remember, cuz its *always* on these ones that i end up loosing everything i tried to say ..

so i spent the weekend at my parents cottage up north .. it was really good, a really introspective look at my life. at my decesions, and at the things that i let bother me and dont, versus the things that i DONT ..
if that makes sense..

blah. u know waht? i was super all set to write a long intense journal article on what the fuck is going through my head right now but im actually far too wired to do that .i dont have the patience to sit here and type blahblahblah

i think i say that in each one of my entries dont i .. "next time it will be longer.. seriously.."

ok what the fuck , maybe i'll have a smoke and sit here and force myself to write. i mean christ. its 2am, im CLEARLY not tired at all ... and i dont have anythign else to do .

so i took the weekend to myself like i said to get my thoughts in order .. mostly about zach and employment .

***** about 20 minutes have passed ****

yeah guess who didnt even LEAVE her computer .i wrote a huge email to zach.
i've wrote him 3 today now including this one, which was definitly the nicest of the 3 .

i took the time and curtosey to fill him in on why i have been so bitter lately towards him .i mean, how can i really blame him when i pretty much volunteer myself to be walked on ? i said that to him too, i said yes im critical of the way thigns have been going, but MUCH more towards myself then you, seeing as how i LET this happen.

i go through such bouts with that boy . i want a genuine platonic friendship .i figure, if it was no strings attached, if there wasnt that stress to aim and please him, maybe we could keep it real as they say ... uknow.. have a good friendship..
i hope so ..


i need one .

this is fantastic. its 2:20am im listening to HIM and havign heart to hearts with the nighthawks on my MSN list .. fantastic.

you know ... i think i can do this. really be ok ... i read this book (well i read 350 pages of it in a day and a half at the cottage.. i have about 30 something left to go ..)

its by WALLY LAMB and its called "SHES COME UNDONE" i highly recommend reading it .. its a chronical story of a young girl transcending into adulthood, plauged with a continuous weight problem, and mental psychosis .. she was raped at 13, her parents divoced and her dad split and came back once ina while into her life, her mom was crazier the a shithouse rat ,and she becomes obsessed with her college roommates boyfriend Dante ..

ahh. that doenst make it sound good
but it is
maybe i'll go finsih it off.
i ALWAYS do that. get to the very end of the book and just put it down and leave the last few chapters undone .. talk about a hell of a cliffhanger.

ok this is transcending anything that could be considered an epic epifamy or even interesting to write.
so im gonna jet.

peace, love, and all that jazz
hey . its 2:30 am on sunday night . u wanna talk ? gimme a fuckin shout. i'll be up for hours

PS dont listen to bon jovi (misunderstood) when your on the verge of a mental breakdown at all hours of the night by yourself
i highly recommend against it
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